Introducing Brandy (Upcoming Book: True to Myself by Amanda Griffith)

Hey, My problem is I think I'm an alcoholic. How do I know? I'm really not sure, but I know I've gotten so drunk I've blacked out and said and done things I'm ashamed of. I'm trying to get over my addiction, but I'm scared. My friend Tina just asked me to go to a party. I mean, I can't stay at...

Amanda Griffith

Accepting Who I Am

Have you ever wanted to be somebody different? Have you looked in the mirror and been surprised by what you see? Do you like yourself?

I’ve wondered these things. I read an article about it on a website, and I realized my main problem from last year could have been I didn’t think good thoughts about myself. I have to like who I am to be happy with myself. It seems like when I drank alcohol, it was mainly so I could act different, almost be someone different. I thought people would like me if I could talk to them more easily and act more free. I should have been able to do that by feeling good about myself and not worrying what people thought about me. Worrying what people think is what causes teen problems in high school and the other half the problems teens have are probably caused by being down on yourself.

Now, I found out Jerry likes Tina and they’re going out. I want to win him back, but he won’t talk to me. He won’t even look at me. I know that he won’t like me if I don’t like myself, but I feel so low right now. I’m  so afraid I’ll give into something worse, like drinking again. Being depressed is bad, but being depressed and drinking must be even worse. It was bad enough when I thought I was happy and being drunk. But what would it be like to drink when I feel this bad inside?

I wish someone would help me. I want to go to my parents and tell them how I feel. Why haven’t I? I want something easy, something that will just make me feel better like magic. I know this is impossible, but I’m afraid what my parents will say. What if they tell the counselor or principal? I’m supposed to be staying out of trouble this year and starting over fresh. What will they think if my mom tells them I’m a mess? I want to graduate from this place early and go off to college. Somehow, I think that will solve all my problems. My classes are hard. I have three AP classes and there’s so much homework. I love Mrs. Smith, but if she sees I’m not doing her work and not reading, she probably won’t like me anymore. (I have her for both of my English classes and they’re both AP.)

This new boy, a senior, Chris, is really cute. I think he’s really nice. His hair is freakin’ awesome! It’s long and curly and dark. Maybe that will take my mind off losing Jerry, if I like someone else. He wants me to writer about Mr. Connors and Kirsten and what happened last year. Jerry told me not to do it, not to trust him. Well, Jerry’s not telling me what to do now! I’ll do whatever I want now that he hooked up with Tina. I’m writing that piece. It will make me feel good about myself to be on the newspaper. Chris wants me to write it just to see how I write. If he likes it, he will let me on the newspaper staff. He has an in with the teacher and said she’d do whatever he wanted. Wish me luck!

What are your goals for next year? Are they goals that will make you feel good about yourself?

About Amanda Griffith

I am a Franklin and Marshall graduate, English and Government. I taught 6-12 English for 28 years and am a published writer with four articles to my credit. Check out my five star rating on Wyzant.com.
This entry was posted in AP classes, college, self esteem, teen activities, teen clubs, teen depression, teen drinking, teen goals, teens and boyfriends, teens and teachers. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Accepting Who I Am

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